This is a good, clear exposition of why gaslighting is not the same as other forms of deceit. All forms of deceit involve a violation of the demands of intersubjectivity: we are dependent on one another for the common world that we inhabit, and when people deceive they always falsify some small part of another person's world, undermining their reality to shift the landscape in their own favour. (I don't generally count so-called "white lies" as deceit, because they shift another person's world in that person's favour.) But gaslighting is a much more extreme usurpation that deprives the victim both of their own sense of reality and also of the ability to form a common lifeworld with people other than the gaslighter.
Your observation that this is currently happening on a social level is helpful. You have a lot of people now who live in a world in a world of "alternate facts" who have been taught to exercise a pathological distrust, and even hatred, towards any other sources of truth. It really disrupts our ability to work together, to form consensus or engage in compromise, because gaslighters train their victims to believe that their safety and sanity depends on fully interiorizing the gaslighter's interests and the gaslighter's lies. So as soon as you try to build a common space where different viewpoints can come together and compromise, the victims feel like their whole world is under attack.
I think you’re exactly right, M. It was political events of the last decade that not only brought about the explosion in popularity of the word “gaslighting,” but made me aware of the phenomenon of what I’ve called “platform gaslighting.” The erosion of any kind of shared social space for political action, the quasi-manichaean dualism of the forces of light vs. the powers of darkness, and the willingness to excuse any and all evils on “our” side because the other side is Literally The Devil are, indeed, the heavy toll of this political style. I will probably write about this once more before the election.
This is a thoughtful and well-written comment, but I'm not sure I can agree with the part about so-called "white lies." I do believe deceit can be justified in rare situations, like the classic "protecting Jews in the basement" scenario (or something similar) and undercover operations by legitimate authorities. Could you elaborate and/or give examples on this please?
"It was really sweet and thoughtful of you to make breakfast for me."
"What about the oatmeal? I made it myself."
The oatmeal is inedible -- it's just raw oats in a puddle of lukewarm water topped with Skittles and marshmallows. But the child is too young to use a kettle. "The oatmeal is great. Thank you so much."
The only part that I would omit, personally speaking, is that the oatmeal is "great," but I see what you mean. Thanks for your reply.
If I may be personal, there's a major reason why I chafe at the idea of so-called "white lies": my friends and I went to go see a highly anticipated movie at the theater when we were teenagers. I loved it and they said that they really liked it too. Some time later, they said it wasn't a very good movie and when I pointed out what they said before, they basically responded, "Well, Chris, you were so excited about it..." Changing their minds is one thing, but they told me what they thought I wanted to hear instead of saying their real opinion, which is what I really wanted. I know that a film is a superficial issue and that they meant well, but I just hate it when people do that. I don't know if the example above fits your criteria for "white lies," but I felt the need to share it.
Good stuff! I certainly never thought through all these subtle differences in forms of deceit. Especially gaslighting. I couldn’t have offered a good definition.
Where you refer to the psychopath, which is a relatively rare disorder, I think the next term down should be sociopath, which, sadly, is far less rare, and neither need be a narcissist, although perhaps most are. Also, I think there are hoards of narcissists who don’t have either of those deeper disorders.
I was pleased to discover Frankfurt’s book “On Bullshit,” which clarifies how bullshit is different from lying. It was while thinking about presidential lies that I first distinguished between fabulistic lies (which I strongly associate with President Biden) and strategic lies like “I did not have sex with that woman.”
Regarding the prevalance of psychopathy, authorities seem to conflict. A meta-analysis posted on the National Institutes of Health website estimates the prevalance in the general population at 4.5 percent, which seems really high, especially considering that includes women as well as men. Other sources suggest 1–2 percent for men and less than 1 percent for women. Not all psychopaths are horror-movie villains, of course! Many are CEOs, surgeons, and public leaders.
This is a good, clear exposition of why gaslighting is not the same as other forms of deceit. All forms of deceit involve a violation of the demands of intersubjectivity: we are dependent on one another for the common world that we inhabit, and when people deceive they always falsify some small part of another person's world, undermining their reality to shift the landscape in their own favour. (I don't generally count so-called "white lies" as deceit, because they shift another person's world in that person's favour.) But gaslighting is a much more extreme usurpation that deprives the victim both of their own sense of reality and also of the ability to form a common lifeworld with people other than the gaslighter.
Your observation that this is currently happening on a social level is helpful. You have a lot of people now who live in a world in a world of "alternate facts" who have been taught to exercise a pathological distrust, and even hatred, towards any other sources of truth. It really disrupts our ability to work together, to form consensus or engage in compromise, because gaslighters train their victims to believe that their safety and sanity depends on fully interiorizing the gaslighter's interests and the gaslighter's lies. So as soon as you try to build a common space where different viewpoints can come together and compromise, the victims feel like their whole world is under attack.
I think you’re exactly right, M. It was political events of the last decade that not only brought about the explosion in popularity of the word “gaslighting,” but made me aware of the phenomenon of what I’ve called “platform gaslighting.” The erosion of any kind of shared social space for political action, the quasi-manichaean dualism of the forces of light vs. the powers of darkness, and the willingness to excuse any and all evils on “our” side because the other side is Literally The Devil are, indeed, the heavy toll of this political style. I will probably write about this once more before the election.
This is a thoughtful and well-written comment, but I'm not sure I can agree with the part about so-called "white lies." I do believe deceit can be justified in rare situations, like the classic "protecting Jews in the basement" scenario (or something similar) and undercover operations by legitimate authorities. Could you elaborate and/or give examples on this please?
"Mom! Do you like the breakfast I made you?"
"It was really sweet and thoughtful of you to make breakfast for me."
"What about the oatmeal? I made it myself."
The oatmeal is inedible -- it's just raw oats in a puddle of lukewarm water topped with Skittles and marshmallows. But the child is too young to use a kettle. "The oatmeal is great. Thank you so much."
The only part that I would omit, personally speaking, is that the oatmeal is "great," but I see what you mean. Thanks for your reply.
If I may be personal, there's a major reason why I chafe at the idea of so-called "white lies": my friends and I went to go see a highly anticipated movie at the theater when we were teenagers. I loved it and they said that they really liked it too. Some time later, they said it wasn't a very good movie and when I pointed out what they said before, they basically responded, "Well, Chris, you were so excited about it..." Changing their minds is one thing, but they told me what they thought I wanted to hear instead of saying their real opinion, which is what I really wanted. I know that a film is a superficial issue and that they meant well, but I just hate it when people do that. I don't know if the example above fits your criteria for "white lies," but I felt the need to share it.
Good stuff! I certainly never thought through all these subtle differences in forms of deceit. Especially gaslighting. I couldn’t have offered a good definition.
Where you refer to the psychopath, which is a relatively rare disorder, I think the next term down should be sociopath, which, sadly, is far less rare, and neither need be a narcissist, although perhaps most are. Also, I think there are hoards of narcissists who don’t have either of those deeper disorders.
I was pleased to discover Frankfurt’s book “On Bullshit,” which clarifies how bullshit is different from lying. It was while thinking about presidential lies that I first distinguished between fabulistic lies (which I strongly associate with President Biden) and strategic lies like “I did not have sex with that woman.”
Regarding the prevalance of psychopathy, authorities seem to conflict. A meta-analysis posted on the National Institutes of Health website estimates the prevalance in the general population at 4.5 percent, which seems really high, especially considering that includes women as well as men. Other sources suggest 1–2 percent for men and less than 1 percent for women. Not all psychopaths are horror-movie villains, of course! Many are CEOs, surgeons, and public leaders.
A fine, fine essay (which it would be even were there no gracious shoutout to me, and thank you for that!)!
Thank you for all your invaluable work! And, of course, for your appreciative reading!